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Submitted on
April 27
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I stare at the clock,
Willing myself to feel tired.
It doesn’t work.
I take a sleep aid.
It doesn't work either.
Sitting here alone,
I drown the quiet with music.
I know I have to keep it together.
That doesn't send the depression running though.
Every moment ticks by
With infinite slowness.
Softly,
My mind presents impulses.
Mild ones first-
Like a snack.
Ever so stealthily,
More psychotic impulses surface.
I know I can’t-
Won’t-
Follow them.
I just feel frightened by my own mind,
And ever so alone.
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:iconigloo9201:
igloo9201 Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
G-W Feedback ((Broken said he wanted some peeps beside himself to crit stuff in the group, so I shall do my best, madam!))

You wrote:

I stare at the clock,
Willing myself to be tired.

I suggest putting a semicolon rather than a comma there.

I stare at the clock;
Willing myself to be tired.

And this part that you wrote seems a bit choppy to me.

I take a sleep aid.
It doesn't work either.

Its not a huge problem, maybe its just because the first sentence is a bit short. I would suggest merging those two sentences.

I take a sleep aid;
It doesn't work either.

OR

I take a sleep aid,
Which doesn't work either.

Otherwise, the piece flows nicely and has a lot of emotion. I really like your style of writing! :D
Ranking: 4.5
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:iconkittysib:
KittySib Featured By Owner May 8, 2014
Thanks for the advice and comment:)
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:iconigloo9201:
igloo9201 Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
NP! Glad to help, ^-^
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:icontakedownfan:
Takedownfan Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Student General Artist
This is incredible!!
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:iconkittysib:
KittySib Featured By Owner May 3, 2014
Thanks!:D
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:iconcosotakuti15:
CosOtakuTi15 Featured By Owner May 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
OMG ~ described perfectly, wonderful job! ^^
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:iconkittysib:
KittySib Featured By Owner May 2, 2014
Thanks!:D
Reply
:iconcosotakuti15:
CosOtakuTi15 Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem! ^^
Reply
:iconsorcorer:
Sorcorer Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014
This is what makes me write the scariest stories sometimes. Overactive imaginations unite!!!
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:iconjacobmosovich:
jacobmosovich Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Overactive imagination can get ya sometimes but that's what chess is for. XD
I play chess by myself cause I think so much
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