[x]

Another Begining Trembling, I reach out. It's another teary night, and the void within has grown again. Memories are fragile, fluttery little things that sigh away into the darkness. I am alone, but not truly alone. Within me, locked away, are countless selves. The people I used to be, but who's lives are now forgotten. The people they loved, the things they hated, their hopes and dreams, all lost.
I will be joining them one day. I can feel it. Already I can sense that the one who came before me is slipping away. Sentenced to languish with the others. Desperately, she reaches out, crying a name which means little to me. Who she cared for no longer matters.

Regrets Will KillI walked so many miles across this sea
And the pity really got the very best of me
I drown, the icy water flowing into my soul
I try to grasp it but I fall hard and lose control

It's scary just how I lost it right here
I'm followed by the constant sound of fear
Right behind me, Right behind my back
I feel it breathing into my neck

Whispering secrets I don't really want to know
Pulling and pushing, 'till I'm buried six feet below
I can't seem to keep myself from bleeding
And of my pain the fear seems to be feeding

I am so infinitely tired and sick of all
It'll be a silent good bye, now that I fall
Don't get me wrong, I won't just die like

Floorboard dreamsThe truth,
Is a terrible thing
Is denial of such a fearful truth okay?

Your floorboard dreams of salvation and redemption
Brought fourth in fear and denial
Spend your darkness days in squinted eye
Looking
Always looking for silver salvation

Pain is nothing
Deprevation is nothing
Pure unrelenting drive to find that which will save you

But that will kill us.

Is denying a truth terrible?
Not wanting to know whats in the floorboards
Not wanting to know whats in your hands
Not wanting to know the monsters you hide

LullabyThere's a lifetime in my eyes,
But I'm not yet an adult,
Whispers and wonders and wounds,
Pour from my eyes in my tears,
Everything I held back,
As you hold me,
Is let out in bursts of emotion.
Tell me it's okay,
So I can cling tighter onto the hope you give me,
Tell me It's okay,
So I can hold on a little longer,
So I can let myself go.
Sing to me,
Lull me to sleep,
Whisper your song to me,
Take my heart with your words,
And hold me,
So I can sleep softly,
And dream peacefully.

Speak sweet lullabies to me,
So I can remain calm,

And be freed from my horrific passion,

Let me drown in my one true obsession.

She Dreams Of LeavingShe sits there by the window.
She stares out into the world.
Something she does every day.
She wonders how her life could be different.

She wishes she could get away.
She wishes that peace could be made.
She wants to leave this place and never come back.
She wants to explore this big old world.

But how could a girl of 17 want such things.
People would always say oh she's young,
She doesn't know what she wants.
But she does know what she wants.

She feels as though the people around her
Do not understand her.
They don't know her.
They will never understand what she wants.

She doesn't fit in with them here.
She just knows that s

I've been floating on a cloud I've been floating on a cloud

and drug down to hell.

The chill of the blade-

the only pain I know well.

Being hung by the judge

when I'm the only jury,

can't see myself in the mirror

'cause my figure is too blurry.

Afraid of myself

and relishing fear,

what's in my palm

is the only thing clear.

The blood on the walls

inscribe my last verse,

a silenced heart-

a poet's only curse.

This Is The Reason...A hole, giant and terrifying. I sneak a little closer, just a few steps, just to gaze a little more closely. I fall. My heart drops into my stomach and starts beating rapidly. It's getting dark and I'm alone. The light is just about gone and I stop my tumbling so I'm falling in a controlled manner.

If that's even possible.

I can't hear anything except the air that whips by. It appears. What is it? I don't know, it's gross though. Fat body with gash marks all over, skin dirty and blood stained. It looks like it has been living in a cave for all its life. Nothing I recognize, but it's somehow familiar.

Its face a pudgy circle, black angry ey

The Amber RoadA dark path we walk
Through shadows we roam
A blood curse, a pox
Upon your house and your home
To search for the sun
That amber glow
At the end of the tunnel
Forever we go
Many routes to pave the way
Most are hard to find
Many deaths along the way
Most were left behind
You trip and you fall
Stumble and slip
But blood you see
It flows to quick
So walk forever to that amber
Not the glittering gold
A false sun to guide you
A false path to roam
Stay true to the sun
May it burn one day
Engulf you to ashes
Reborn from its clay
And on that day count back from ten
The model is gone
The artist is dead
From that point, must press on anew
A new path to lay
A mold with no use
Each of us is sculpted in clay
Imperfections make us this way
And though we fall, stumble, and slip
Each time arise, new thoughts in our heads
New ideas mix with the old
All scattered in ashes
What's left to behold
This is not an end!
Like phoenixes we rise
One path has ended
One road has died
Time for you to start anew
To la

Teach Me to Rob GravesNightmares suffocate candles with boundless love
Laughing Laughing Laughing
"Laughing?" they scoff dismissively
"Laughter is but tears for the sun to drink."
Raindrops patter softly against untouched fire hydrants
While steam coils from drain pipes
Childhood monsters breathing in and out
Slow, deep breaths. Patient Breaths.

I never did get over the wrinkled corpses
Unstable cadavers who swim against the current
In rivers of their own melting flesh
"Why?" they mouth silently
As I push them from the shore with a sharpened stick
"Why will you not let us hate you?"
"Why did you burn the house we loved so much?"

I burned the house

The use of breathingBreathe in, breathe out
while strengthening the heart
Breathe in, breathe out
still, I don't know where to start

A friend in need, a friend alone
I stretch out and hold as my own
and with all the burdens a friend unload
breathe in, breathe out is my only code

A lonely walk while trouble looms
where hope is being slowly consume
While courage is frightened and all else fails
I gasp for air and sigh all of my cares

In the rain, at the dark of night
where all stands against my fight
and my eyes are in the brink of tears
I breathe in and breathe out all of my fears

Even when all is on the line
where life is deprived of sunshine
E

Fadedtears painting my face casting the shadows within the dark
pulling me under its claw's preyed upon death clutch
pounding fear bleeds within my skin and bones
my eyes draws within death scythe ripping away
the chapters of my life buried within my nightmare
why dry my tears but let another cry
impaired to my own emotions numb
to the cords of my existence silting
my soul to reach upon your ears
my downfall pleading for acceptance
composing my cries into deathly tunes

The BottleThe sent off the bottle
Reminds me of my younger years
A little boy age 8 to 11
A grieving father
Who drowns his pain in the drink
The drink that brings out an evil
An evil that hurts the boy
Scolds him, hits him
Sends him reeling into a dark place
From which he will never return
So he is still there
Even after the bottle
Has been empty for three years

A Breathless PresenceI have a goal of course, everyone does. To be light and fluffy and oh so slim.
A good 100 pounds that's all,
That means I have to loose:
5 pounds of hate
6 pounds of joy
And 9 pounds of fat
That's easy, a nice clean 20 pounds off my limbs, so I can move
And when I did that, I looked at myself in the mirror and drew circles around my belly.
People saw flat
I saw,
Stupid:Mean:Stupid:Mean:Stupid:Low:Stupid:Fat:Stupid:Ugly

So my new goal is 90 pounds
So that's,
8 pounds of vanity
And 2 pounds of fat
When that was done I counted my ribs gliding them up and down. I am a tall girl you see, 5 foot seven inches. My spine gracefully edge

How to manually stop crying.My tears are one thing I can't control,
it's like my tear ducts are connected
directly to my heart.
One thought to set them off,
drowning me again.
Cut and slice them out,
sew it back up,
so all the tears I have
are in a tiny bottle,
sitting in my pocket.

The Cure for a Cure?The cure for a cure?
I used to nightmares but they were replaced by sweet dreams of you
But these sweet dreams changed into bitter nightmares that can never be true
Not like the first ones of violence, gore and death
But heart breaking ones of you taking away another girl’s breathe
I sit and I watch as you sweep a different girl off her feet
Or watch in horror as I see you cheat
Things I know would never really happen for to noble are you
But each time I see it happen I don't know what to do
I just watch in heartbreaking agony as you slip through my fingers once more
Leaving me with the broken tattered pieces to my heart that you tore
I can't seem to get away from these bad dreams no matter how much I run
Wanting to wake up so bad as I anxiously wait for the sun
I may not cry and I may not shout from these horrible dreams
But I find that I remember them with more detail than the ones with screams
If you were my cure before what do I do now?
For now you're my nightmare and that's

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DragonsDragons
always they are dragons
hearts behind impenitrable walls
fangs and claws used to destroy
to slice me to ribons inside and out
Dragons
they hoard their emotions
like treasure they guard them
and set traps for the unwary
Dragons
why do I go for them?
why couldn't they be kitties instead?
But even kitties
have claws and fangs
and are masters of elusiveness
And humans...
don't even get me started
they have poisoned sugary words
multiple faces
and are much crueler
I prefer the clean death
emotionally speaking
Dragons
I guess at least I know
with dragons it's safer to let go

Forget You NotI will not
Cannot
Mustn't forget

The way I care
The memories we share
The hope I feel when you are there

I will not
Cannot
Mustn't forget

For to do so
It would make you cry
I would cry too

I will not
Cannot
Mustn't forget

That night
You held me
And brushed my tears away

I will not
Cannot
Mustn't forget

The words I whisper everyday
The ones you don't hear
Cause you're too far from me

I will not
Cannot
Mustn't forget

That you care too
You like me and
Promised not to vanish

I will not
Cannot
Mustn't forget

Or all has been in vain
I love you
Don't let me forget your name
The pain, the scars, the tears
The worr

Ode to confusionYour pain becomes mine

Your joy-mine

Why do I still care?

Shouldn't things be different now?

Yet-here I am,

Still starved for your affection.

Grasping at crumbs,

Dying of shame inside.

The past still hurts,

And who can I blame but me?

Tears I've cried

And held inside

Blind me to the future.

Is there even anything worth seeing?

I shouldn't care so much

About feelings that go nowhere.

Do I still love you?

I don't know.

Does it even matter?

What would change?

Nothing.

I'd still be a fool,

And you'd still not care.

Why can't you care?

Is there something wrong with me?

It hurts.

Damn.

screams in my headScreaming your name inside my head
I beg them not to take you away
Beg to keep my memories of you
To feel for you without question
They laugh
Already they start to lock you away
Lock all I feel and know of you deep inside
My mind is a labyrinth
I search for the correct door
Screaming your name
Begging them to give you back
But all I accomplish
is losing more time
More memories gone
More doors to try and open
All of them are locked
And I can't find you
Soon I forget
Who's name am I screaming?
Why am I crying?
Fear grips me
And an overwhelming sense of loss
Who did I lose this time?
A wordless scream
Echoing inside my he

mew to the internetmew
the internet is being mean to me
mew
the internet is hateful
greedy
uncaring
mew...
why won't it be nice to me???

To ...To things left unspoken
things I shouldn't have said
To regrets about being open
and times I've hidden behind my walls
why do you not see me?
am I just a passing faze?
To even ask these questions is regret
I miss you more
and yet grow numb
without your words I'm cold
you dole them out so sparsely
and I miss you even when you are here
because you ignore me
because we are friends
because my heart is fading
as my headache expands
I know I'm losing way too much
memories and time
To keep on hoping
To hold on
you need to say something
please

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Submitted: November 16, 2012
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Delusions of Reality

by ~KittySib, Nov 16, 2012, 12:51:57 AM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

For many hours we spoke.
It came to me that perhaps
You were history repeating itself.
That maybe you weren't real-
Or I wasn't.
Either seemed more probable than
Some like you and someone like me
Actually being together.
So I debated,
And you replied,
Your answers were not as I expected
Lending credit to your claims.
Still,
The nagging doubt will exist,
Until the day we finally meet
Face to face,
Flesh to flesh.
Even then,
I might doubt.
After all,
Some hallucinations seem VERY real.
But even if you AREN'T,
Even if I am a figment of your imagination,
Or you of mine,
I hope you never vanish.
That we will always be at least friends.
I cannot bear to lose anymore people I care about.
I cannot lose YOU.
Promise not to vanish,
Please?
And don't banish me
If I turn out not to be real?
After all,
You must need me,
Like I need you…
Right?

Delusions of Realityby ~KittySib

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

I have a hard time decideing what and who is real...

love 2 2

joy 1 1

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

*MabusTheDark Nov 16, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

I keep telling you that you're smart! This is great stuff.

~KittySib Nov 16, 2012

Thanks! 0.0

~summerpoetry Nov 16, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

I agree that it really is so personal and emotional. I wonder the same things sometimes. But I'm pretty sure you're real!

~KittySib Nov 16, 2012

YAY!

~me4music Nov 16, 2012 Student Writer

This was really beautiful. I loved how it was so personal and emotional, yet it was something that lots of people can probably relate to. Gorgeous piece.

~KittySib Nov 16, 2012

Thank you very much!

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Delusions of Realityby ~KittySib

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